frost over

Unfinished? Incoherent? I suppose you'll be the judge...

[i]Walking towards you instead of walking away
I thought it would be much harder than this
Deep brown eyes that still grace my presence
But this time with a quick nod to humor me
And an even quicker glance to clarify distance
Quite amazing and funny what a year can do
My annual application of a glossy coat of indifference
To hide multiple layers of denial and instability
All it takes is an acknowledgement from you
And I’m off to wishful but wistful thinking
Perhaps I’ve simply busied myself
In order to propagate a recurring cycle
Of finding an ephemeral diversion
That will mask some deeper longing
For something I have yet to find
Or something I had long ago, unable to be regained
I think to myself, “Have I really moved on,
Or has the world just moved on
And taken me along for the ride?”
I’ll meet your nod with a smile
And raise you a familiar gaze
The stakes of friendship were always high
Wary and rational, meet risqué
Oh, pardon me, his name was logic[/i]

Weather: Mild, but the wind makes it slightly colder.
Mood: Sleepy. Unaccomplished.
Music: "Walking After You" -- Foo Fighters.
Book: [u]Babbitt[/u] -- Sinclair Lewis.
Movie: [u]Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind[/u].

Subject of post: Quote from aforementioned movie. By Nietzsche. And the movie itself? [i]Absolutely wonderful. Excellent. Refreshing. Bittersweet. Happily saddening.[/i]

I could go on and on...but you get the picture. Go and see it. I highly recommend. Makes me long for this time about a year ago.

In other news...

1) Today was the Big Event. It's basically a day of citywide community service in this college town. We went to an elementary school to do some landscaping...raking up leaves, clipping some vines and such to clear out space for a tricycle track. Fun and helpful. Met a celebrity there too. Steve Swope. He was quite friendly, though I must admit, I'm not much of an Extreme Games person.

2) Endless pile of work.

3) If it's true that sleep is for the weak, then I'm not ashamed to say that I'm quite fragile.

And on that note, I bid you good evening.

Will write more when time allows...

[i]A mixture of the seasons swirling
With every step I take along the sidewalk --
Clear blue blemish-free skies
And a summer sun premonition;
An autumn breeze sweeps through,
A furtive cool whisper to the novice warmth;
A snowy-like flurry of white surrounds me
As Bradford Pear petals land in my hair --
Separate but intertwined times of the year
Culminating in this very moment
Giving rise to new life and beauty
This is spring[/i]

Weather: All springlike. You little tease.
Mood: Indifferent.
Book: [u]Babbitt[/u] -- Sinclair Lewis. Halfway through.
Music: "International You Day" -- No Use for a Name. Off their [u]Hard Rock Bottom[/u] album.

Subject of post: The report card is in.

[b]A+:[/b] Skiing in the spring. Taos was great. The slopes were awesome -- mmm packed powder. And ahh...all that sunshine. It kicked the donkey's ancestor. Yeah, you understood.

[b]A:[/b] Tanning on a mountain while skiing. Or...burning/peeling/whatever. Every time I got on a lift, went down a slope, or sat outside up there, I felt like I should have been on a beach instead. Just wanted to lay back in the snow and soak up the rays. But then I got the urge to ski again.

[b]A:[/b] Skiing in a t-shirt. :D

[b]A+:[/b] Home cooking. Can't beat it.

[b]A:[/b] Family time. Gotta love it.

[b]A:[/b] Taking lots of fun pictures.

[b]A+:[/b] Sleeping in my own bed. There's just something about being at home, all snuggled under your own covers.

[b]B+:[/b] Movies/TV. An old acquaintance revisited. It's good to keep in touch every so often.

[b]C-:[/b] Negative academic productivity. A bit behind on things now, unfortunately. I can't help it - this kind of guilt tends to eat away at me even when I'm having fun.

[b]D:[/b] Headaches and a couple of body aches to hold me over for a while.

[b]F:[/b] Spring Break is over. I'm bummed. I want more skiing and sunshine.

And above song...and thoughts on it: [b]A/F[/b] (Impossible eh?) Not listening to their album, but to a mixed CD with that track on it. Mixed CDs yield mixed feelings. Nicely compiled and yet slightly bittersweet. I just remember who gave it to me and what we felt at the time and then I get all these funny little emotions going. Hmm. Well...fun little punk song if you're interested.

Good night all.

Weather: Nice and sunny.
Mood: Great.
Book: [u]Babbitt[/u] -- Sinclair Lewis.
Music: "Extraordinary" -- Liz Phair.
Movie: [u]The Passion of the Christ[/u]. I know, I'm a little behind, aren't I?

Subject of post: [b]Spring Break 2004[/b]. Taos, New Mexico. It's going to be wonderful. Haven't been there in years, and haven't been skiing over Spring Break in a while. But I'm psyched. Skiing during Spring Break means no below zero temperatures. A t-shirt and a fairly warm ski jacket, and you're set. No need for thermals and all that really really warm stuff. :D Click below for a trail map.

[url=http://taosski.com/MOUNTAIN/t...]Up Close and Personal[/url]

Spring Break is finally here. And what that means is...homework and studying and all that. Before and after skiing, that is. Yuck. I wish I could just have a whole break to myself to not worry about classes. Kind of like Winter Break. That would be even better.

Anyway, off to watch aforementioned movie around 4:30 p.m. But until then, reading for class and packing for tomorrow. Farewell -- back on Friday, 03/19/04.

A comment recently sent to me by [url=http://scribbler.tblog.com]scribbler[/url]. I found it very interesting...her interpretation was not my intention when I wrote it. Maybe subconsciously? *shrugs* Here goes:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

scribbler wrote:

++++

"Connect the dots across the sky
Let’s make our own new constellation
Spell out our names in the stars tonight
As life pauses but fate’s traffic hurries it along
A giant hole punch in the black papered sky
That lovers gaze upon with blithe eyes
The game is romance for them
Or some lust or love spin-off"

- Two lovers, people who just met are about to make love.
The girl is lying down, while the guy is tracing the beauty marks on her body: her tummy, her breasts.

Then he sits up, and brings her on to sit on top of him, facing him. He sets her down, while going into her. They make love looking into one another's eyes.

++++

"A bright shiny new toy to play with
That looked so great in the picture on the box
Well, sorry, kids
Assembly is required"

I just thought of something fetish-full here... but that didn't fit with my initial picture... I'm still not quite sure what I think of this part of your poem.

++++

"For the air of fantasy and fancy will soon depart
As the black paper with pinholes is tossed aside
By a small child who wants to play something else
Colors change, lighting changes
Truth reveals itself in the light of day"

- The aftermath of the whole thing allows the two to uncomfortably realize that they are in the wrong place. They feel almost rotten for their in-the-heat-of-the-moment actions, and realize they want to be more complete... to be "complete" with someone they truly love, not just with a stranger, not just for a fling.

++++

"Yet we still stand here
Waiting for the white-sprinkled darkness
Or some other new plaything of the moment"

- No matter how hungry one is for true love, one craves the physical when it stares them in the face. Sorta like being reeled in by the devil.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

What do you think?

[i]Connect the dots across the sky
Let’s make our own new constellation
Spell out our names in the stars tonight
As life pauses but fate’s traffic hurries it along
A giant hole punch in the black papered sky
That lovers gaze upon with blithe eyes
The game is romance for them
Or some lust or love spin-off
A bright shiny new toy to play with
That looked so great in the picture on the box
Well, sorry, kids
Assembly is required
For the air of fantasy and fancy will soon depart
As the black paper with pinholes is tossed aside
By a small child who wants to play something else
Colors change, lighting changes
Truth reveals itself in the light of day
Yet we still stand here
Waiting for the white-sprinkled darkness
Or some other new plaything of the moment[/i]

Weather: A slight chill, but only due to the wind.

Mood: Horribly guilty, sickly, and tired.

Book: None at the moment.

Music: "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" -- Az Yet.

Subject of post: Foot in mouth. Big time. I have this tendency to never say something when I should. Well, it's more like never say anything at all. But when I do say something, it's always the wrong time/wrong place/wrong everything. Have you ever let out privileged information that was given to you by a friend to someone else without considering any consequences? That would be my current situation. John Mayer said it best: "I'm never speaking up again/It only hurts me." Well...on the contrary, it hurts others first. But always unintentionally. I'm hoping no major rifts were caused, no trust broken, no friendship altered for the worst. But I have a tendency to build things up in my head. I just hope I'm wrong this time.

Other news: Organic lab midterm today. Not good at all on my part. Same goes for the Genetics test I received back. Tomorrow is a Physics lab practical. And Thursday is an Honors Perspectives Jazz Age America test. And then Friday is...well...Friday. And off to Spring Break I go.

But now...time for bed.

Weather: Quite nice. That sunny and clear blue skies kind of thing.

Mood: Unsure. Of mood and self.

Reading: Excerpt from "Psychoanalysis" by Freud.

Listening: "Whole Again" -- Granian. Good stuff.

Movie: [u]Matchstick Men[/u]. :D

Above movie: Fantastic, excellent. Nicolas Cage is great. Best "con" since [u]Con Air[/u]. :P Best pun I've made today. I'm such a nerd.

Subject of post: Quote from aforementioned movie.

Missing: In action. Also, food from home, choir practices, colorguard practices, Steinways, Yamahas, Bostons, Baldwins and the like, personal non-academic, non-working, non-worrying time. And people.

Apartment: Searching. 90% completion. I think.

Laundry: 100% completion.

Late night phone calls: Odd. Strangely welcome. Some private number kept calling...? I was a bit confused. And then someone else called...scroll further.

Correlation between last two phrases: [i]Late night phone call[/i] from ex, who left a message as I was asleep. Said he was calling to ask how I was doing and how my Genetics test went, as I had also run into him the previous night while studying. Ran into him while doing [i]laundry[/i] this morning, where he proceeded to tell me that he was really "messed up" last night and decided to call a bunch of people. Silly me for thinking he might be reaching out to repair an old friendship. I never understand what's happening between us -- pre-involvement, while dating, and post break-up.

Jigsaw puzzles: Rock my socks off. Ah, puzzles...I've loved them ever since I was a wee little tyke.

Procrastination: Building intensity, as you can see.

Back to writing those lovely organic long lab reports, reading Freud, and studying for Jazz Age. Toodles.

Flashback: Phil Collins. Neat.

This is what happens when you don't want to do homework...

[i]Staring intently at lined paper
Hoping to find the subtle difference
Between being lonely and being alone
The off-white-wall quartet, gently mocking
In their chuckling camaraderie
At my naïveté, my inexperience
My stunted, crude angst
That repeats many who have come before me
Separated from the smiling faces and youthful joy
By a pane of glass and a single off-white wall
The psychological barrier much harder to overcome
Why can’t I see what they see?
Why can’t I belong?
I smile as they pass, and they remain unaware
My rolling glance rests on the empty chair to my right
A moving picture of friendly faces running smoothly
Through my mind to project into the void before me
But before I know it, the slideshow ends
Leaving me staring at a blank slide,
An unoccupied chair, and a stark revelation
That no one could sit across from me
To make the subtle difference inconsequential[/i]

You are Schroeder!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
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I love [u]Peanuts[/u]. That comic strip is awesome.

Music: [u]Linus & Lucy: The Music of Vince Guaraldi[/u] -- George Winston. Track: "Linus & Lucy."