frost over

It's kind of funny.

All day I have wanted to sleep.  I took a quick 10-minute nap/sunbath (if this noun form actually exists) outside in the middle of campus and then later, an impromptu 10-minute nap on the comfy couch outside the coffeeshop in the library.  I have been looking forward to sleeping tonight to catch up from the other nights, and now...now, I'm just...awake.  A sort of tired-awake.  So I guess I'll do some homework/studying.

Not so much funny as unfortunate.

It was a beautiful day today, and I walked around, loving the weather and wanting to cry.  But I felt like I had forgotten how to do the latter.  Isn't that a primary emotional response?  How could you forget something like that? And so you shake it off and plaster on a smile until you forget about the other end of the spectrum that you were on just a few minutes ago.

How such beauty can elicit/yield to such sadness is beyond me.

I get so frustrated when I feel unhappiness and can't pinpoint the source(s).

And in other news...stressing about the MCAT.  Majorly.

Saving the happy entry for another day.

I was down and out for the umpteenth time,
Driving around town, filtering songs through my head,
When I looked up into the sky, I could hardly believe,
Beyond the streetlights and restaurant signs,
That the moon had followed me home.
I smiled my famous temporary smile,
The spark of a warm feeling inside,
And I wondered how long the light would last.

I want to be an adult like you
To be as mature, as dismissive
As tactful and as impassive;
Wise enough to know the difference
Between worth and waste,
Fruitful and futile,
Practical and playful;
I want to be able to walk away
And not think about the other way
That this situation could play out.
This would be the best choice for me
--The option that holds the brightest future
--The way to break out of the cycle
Into which I continuously put myself.
It can't be that difficult; it wasn't for you.
I have the cordiality of acquaintances down pat,
But I can't find where I lost the ease of confidants
If I could just be like you, maybe everything would be easier.
Maybe I would smile more often and sleep a little longer.
You convinced me -- I'll try it your way.
But can I just ask...
Don't you think you're growing up a little too fast?